Self Image

Today’s opposite action was going to get my meds and then… not being able to get my meds. Well, I got my Diabetic Test Strips, but my Psych meds weren’t available. So I had to ask my Psychiatrist for samples. I’m not sure if it’s normal, but my Psychiatrist is a very strange guy. The way he speaks to me sometimes just doesn’t make sense. Luckily, or perhaps not luckily, he’s leaving the facility that I receive treatment from so that’s not an issue anymore. No idea who they’ve got replacing the Doctor, but I’m adjusted to the meds I’m currently taking right now so that shouldn’t be a problem anytime soon.

There was heavy rain and heat today. The storm was so bad you could barely see in front of your car. Driving in the rain always makes me anxious. And my vehicle doesn’t have air conditioning so it tends to fog up on hot, rainy days. A real stellar combination of misfortunes, right? I don’t think anyone with money can understand exactly how much easier life would be with more money. I’d repair my car, or more likely finally upgrade to something in my style: good gas mileage, hatchback or SUV with fold down seats for camping during the cooler months, and working air conditioning. Haha, that’s the dream at least.

I’ve been trying to finish reading a book that’s due at the library tomorrow. I put it off and renewed the book so many times that I don’t have any renewals left. And I started reading it so at this point, it’s too late. I can’t put it down. I’ve only taken the time to do my blog post today because I’ve promised myself that I would.


I don’t want to give any spoilers, but suicide and depression are a huge subject in this novel, so please keep that in mind if you consider giving this one a read.

I’ve been struggling with so many things lately. My room is a mess and I haven’t been very helpful around the house. My diet goals have been horrible. I’m at my fattest right now. I really want to get healthier. I’ve gotten my A1C numbers better in the past few months.

But apparently my weight has been horrible. I got that COVID 19 pounds. I haven’t been this heavy since my divorce. I ate my feelings back then. It feels like I’m doing that now. I always some how end up getting emotional snacks and tell myself that I’ll start dieting later. Or I’ll just eat a little in moderation. I’m hoping that DBT can help some with eating healthier. Still waiting for “How To Eat” to arrive. I stare at the arrival status on my Amazon page daily. I know the book won’t fix matters, but it always does feel better to have some kind of guidance. Haha, anyone have suggestions?

My mom used to throw me into so many diets when I was younger. Adkins, Keto, Paleo, Weight Watchers, Intermittent Fasting. I need to get back to walking more, but the heat has been putting me off that idea. I was doing 2 miles twice a week before I got COVID in December. I used to lift free weights back in the day with my ex-husband and our friend. At this point, I don’t have gym access and I don’t feel healthy enough to even go to a gym.

I still remember going to the gym with my friends. They were always great about talking me through the machines. Or doing the track with me so that I wouldn’t hurt myself. I know that sounds like a silly issue, but it’s really easy to run incorrectly or end up blowing your energy load before you’re even close to completing your goal. I’m still doing karate everyday, but I know that I need to add more to my routine to get healthier.

Feeling a bit low on the self esteem lately. Trying to remind myself that I’m not ugly. I feel bloated. I am fat. We won’t gloss over that, but I want to be healthier. I don’t want to obsessed over a number. I know there are movements concerning body positivity for all sizes, which is great! I just know that I’ve got more pounds that I’m happy with right now. So I guess this is my public announcement, I’m going to work on eating healthy! Urgh… for the millionth time. I’ve got this!

All right, now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, I feel a lot better. We’ll see how this goes. I’m going to head back to my book and hopefully finish reading it like the insane person I am. So that I can return it to the library tomorrow. Thanks as always for reading, guys!

Also adding an image of a sticker I placed on my Photography Pelican case. I got this sticker awhile ago from the lovely Jay the Barbarian. He’s a really great guy that’s been in a few films. His most recent work was  The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021).

Published by Erin Seto

Southern Peach 🍑, in her 30’s - Artist 🎨 + Bibliophile 📚 + Geek 🎮 + Nerd 👓 + Animal-Lover 🐾 + Bipolar Disorder 💢 x Anxiety 😨 x PTSD 💣÷ DBT Therapy ✨ + Mental Health Matters 🧠 = ME 👩🏽

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