My dad – lovingly nicknamed “Mack” died Friday, September 25, 2020. He was 69. He was in hospice care at home. It’s been a year and I just honestly don’t know how I feel. This past week, I’ve been having dreams about my Dad every night. The first night, he was lingering outside our home. He wouldn’t come inside, but when I went out to greet him … He told me he was worried about me and that he just wanted to check on me.
There’s so many ways you could interpret these dreams. I don’t want to overthink it, but it’s been heavy on my mind because he’s been in my dreams each night. Am I stuck in the past? Are there things I haven’t been able to accomplish that are causing me guilt. It’s just too much.
We were given a “Live like Mack card!” at the funeral. I’m more spiritual than religious, but it does give me some comfort to read:
Love must be sincere.
Hate what is evil;
Cling to what is good.
Be devoted to one another in love.
Honor one another above yourselves.
Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.
Be joyful in hope,
Patient in affliction,
Faithful in prayer.
Share with the Lord’s people who are in need.
Bless those who persecute you;
Bless and do no curse.
Rejoice with those who rejoice;
Mourn with those who mourn.
Live in harmony with one another.
Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.
Do not be conceited.
Do not repay anyone evil for evil.
Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you,
Live at peace with everyone.
Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath,
For it is written: “It is mine to avenge;
I will repay,” says the Lord.
On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
If he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil,
But overcome evil with good.”Romans 12:9-21
I miss my Dad so much. As I get older and more people around me pass away, I realize how short life is. There’s still so much I want to do and so many things I want to learn. It feels like it was only yesterday that I saw him. At the same time, it feels like centuries since he left. I wish I had something insightful to say, but all I’m really going to do is cry today.
Thank you, guys, for reading today. I’m going to drink a glass of milk in memory of my Dad. Try to make it through karate class, and be gentle with myself today. See you tomorrow.