The last time I went swimming, like actually actively swimming, was probably in 2019 before all of the COVID stuff happened. My tiny stepdaughter loves to swim and we would go to the local state park’s pool every chance we could get. My cheap Walmart swimsuit was not very good and as you can see from the above photograph, my girls were falling out most of the time because something big enough for my fat tush was very ambled for my not enormous chest.
While part of me is hoping and praying that the State Parks will be open this summer, I’m also dreading the thought of having to squeeze myself into a swimsuit once more. I wore a swimsuit for the first time in forever over the Christmas holiday. My cool niece found us a cabin with a hot tub! It was amazing and so much fun. I just felt so self-conscious about my body the entire time though. Working on getting healthy and intermittent fasting will help with that. Obviously.
But my disorderly eating has always been such a huge hurdle for me. The first day I started back doing intermittent fasting, I wanted to just do a liquid fast… that did not happen. I had to remind myself that you can’t just jump ahead in your attempts. I had been snacking and not being healthy. You can’t suddenly stop eating period. I was going to be a cranky arse. So I ended up starting the day (within my eating hours) by having some bone broth, then a few graham crackers, and finished the evening with some hamburger steaks with mushrooms, onions, and some sauce.
Right! So I’m rambling. The battle of food versus wanting to look cute. I need to pull out my “How to Eat” book again and remind myself about mindful eating. Trying to pull from one of my therapist’s recommendations as well. Remember what the end goal is.
I decided to go “window” shopping for swimsuits the other night while my Manic brain was all over the place. And wow did that ever hurt my brain. Remember to always shop around! You can buy exactly the same outfit, the same brand, but from a different website/location for vastly different prices. And while, yes, there was a sale added to one of these shops, they are sister companies and almost always have some kind of sale going on.
Women have to pay so much for their swimsuits. I understand that it’s “more fabric” and such. But we absolutely MUST have 2 pieces. We don’t get a choice about covering our tops up. And the price of each individual piece is the same or more than the cost of a pair of swim trunks. And don’t even get me started on the cost of a rashguard. I’m hoping that I’ll lose a bit of weight before Summer comes into full swing. That way I can at least squeeze into one of my older swimsuits.
Does anyone else have this struggle? The thought of finding a YMCA close enough not to break my wallet (with current gas prices) with a pool is tempting. But I just feel so self-conscious about swimming laps in a pool around people who are actually fit. Any time I’m in public trying to work out, I get flashbacks to when I’d jog around my neighborhood and the women there would point and laugh. There were a few “mom” groups who would do laps around the block and I’d hear them gossip and wonder why I even bothered.
Urgh, so while I was writing this post, I went ahead and googled my State Park information for pools. Of course, the pool close to our house was one of the ones permanently closed. I find this ridiculous. Our pool was ALWAYS packed. There were always visitors there and locals. Because there aren’t any other pools within a 30-40 mile radius. And no one wants to swim in the lake. I guess I really will have to look at an hour’s drive over to the nearest YMCA for any swimming activities.
RIGHT. But back to the swimsuit body issue. I’ve been using some of the smaller weights around the house lately. And I practice my kata a bunch so that has been helpful in building muscle. Now I just need to adjust my diet to help with weight. Urgh. It gets so much harder the older you get. It was hard in my 20s, but now in my late 30s, it seems even worse. Okay, okay, enough bellyaching! Positive mental attitude! I’ve still got at least a month or so until swimsuit season. I can dream of the beach, that will definitely help.
Are you looking forward to summer yet?