June and Surviving It

Arts and Crafts I had to do during in-patient therapy after my 2013 Suicide Attempt

For whatever reason, summer has always been really hard for me. I always have mixed episodes. For someone with Bipolar Disorder, that means you experience Mania and Depression symptoms.

Manic Symptoms

The following are symptoms commonly associated with bipolar disorder manic episodes.

  • Euphoric or elated mood
  • Grandiosity or overinflated self-esteem
  • Irritability
  • Rapid, excessive, or pressured speech
  • Racing thoughts
  • Excessive energy
  • Decreased need for sleep
  • Distractibility
  • Working feverishly towards goals, even if the goals don’t make much sense
  • Engaging in risky behaviors and activities
  • Needing little sleep
  • Often needs to be hospitalized

Depressive Symptoms

These symptoms are common in bipolar disorder depressive episodes:

  • Sadness
  • Finding little or no pleasure in once enjoyed activities
  • Hopelessness
  • Weight loss/weight gain
  • Sleeping too much or too little
  • Feeling worthless
  • Feeling guilty for no real reason
  • Waking up too early
  • Trouble thinking or concentrating
  • Suicidal thoughts or thoughts of death
  • Symptoms must be present during the same two-week period

The mixture of the highs and lows can really be devastating. It was bad enough lately that my stepdaughter even noticed enough and was criticizing my mood. She asked her Dad why I was so angry and it just honestly broke me pretty badly. Even when I’m on my meds, being irritated and depressed and hopeless and suicidal just starts to drag me down.

This has pretty much been my entire month of June. One day at a time. One moment at a time. Just what I can get through as it comes. I hate the fact that I can’t be stronger. That I’m not doing amazing. I had been able to push my therapy appointments out to once a month and this month I’m having one every two weeks. I’m also trying to be my own therapist right now and take care of myself.

I need to make a new safety plan. I keep pushing it off. My dad used to be on my safety plan. And it feels like so many things changed during COVID. So part of me just doesn’t like the idea of change. My goals this week are a new safety plan, looking into self-care and how to make the rest of this month tolerable, and probably distracting myself as much as possible with coloring or other pleasurable activities. Like Pokémon Go. Haha, I’ll have to do a separate post on that insanity.

This month has been so busy, which has been a blessing and a curse all rolled into one. We had the seminar at the beginning of the month. And we’ve been planning/packing for my stepdaughter to go away for sleep-away camp for an entire week in another state. I’ve been primarily doing all the work for that so it’s been rough. And then I’m trying to clean our room, clean out the storage unit, and keep my sanity.

Oh, and I’m turning 38 next week. So that’s been great for my mentality. My SO asked me what I want for my birthday and it’s been one of those things where I just really honestly don’t know. I made myself an Amazon Wishlist, but maybe I’ll just request something sentimental and practical. Like this book wallet, I’ve been eyeballing for a while.

The Velveteen Rabbit Book Wallet

Let’s be honest, I’d really want the Handbook for the Recently Deceased from Beetlejuice, but we aren’t shocked that one has been SOLD OUT for ages. It’s so cool! Even if I order it now, the wallet won’t arrive in time for my birthday. That always tends to happen. Last year I ordered a TeeTurtle Mood Plush and it didn’t come for MONTHS after I ordered it. Now I know they have them at Books-a-Million which is nice. But getting a Birthday present ON my birthday might be a good mood lifter.

Wow, I went so off-topic. I guess at least I distracted myself for a bit. Thanks for stopping in today. I’ll catch you guys tomorrow.

Published by Erin Seto

Southern Peach 🍑, in her 30’s - Artist 🎨 + Bibliophile 📚 + Geek 🎮 + Nerd 👓 + Animal-Lover 🐾 + Bipolar Disorder 💢 x Anxiety 😨 x PTSD 💣÷ DBT Therapy ✨ + Mental Health Matters 🧠 = ME 👩🏽

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