June has always been a hard month for me. It’s hard to explain why. Now that I’m older, I realize that part of it is due to my mental health being out of balance. I’ve had mixed episodes during the summer months so many times. Depression and Mania. I’ve covered that before, but one of my worst episodes happened back in 2013.
I literally begged my Primary Care Physician for help. For a referral, for medications, for some kind of help. I was under so much emotional, physical, and mental stress that I had no other way to cope and figured that living was no longer the ideal situation. I’ve had moments where I feel suicidal ideations overwhelming me. Since 2013, I’ve gotten the medications I need. I stay on my medications. I take an active role in making sure that I know what my medications do and that they stay refilled. And when medications aren’t enough, I fill in that gap with therapy and other things.
DBT: Dialectical Behavior Therapy has given me the skills I need for taking control of my thoughts, emotions, and relationships. I still have a lot that I’m struggling with and I won’t say I’m perfect. I have bad days. And worse days. But I have a tool kit to help me through those times. It’s like I’ve taken those suicidal ideations and buried them somewhere that’s easier to ignore. They still exist and sometimes I can hear them, but they aren’t hammering me in the face daily.
I actually have a board I put up with this quote on it. And I have a board with all the “Everything is Awful” checklist as well. I handwrote these on a chalkboard just because writing them myself helps remind me of what I need to do to be self-aware. It’s been nine years since my last hospitalization. And this year was a really hard June. It gives me hope that even during my hardest year, I’ve done acceptable. Maybe not good. And maybe not fantastic. Even if it felt bad, I’ve survived it and that’s always good. There’s only up from here!
Only a few more days left in June! I know that things won’t magically get better on July 1st because it’s a new month. Just counting down the days seems to help. Small steps. I’ve got this! I hope whatever trials you’re facing right now, you should know you’ve got it too. Thanks for stopping in today. See you guys tomorrow.
Atelier Whootique 