Missing Him

I don’t know why it hit me today, but I miss my Dad. He passed on September 25, 2020. I haven’t been able to go down there (where he lived, my hometown) since his funeral and it just weighs heavily on me. This first year with him gone has made me acutely aware of so many events during the year. Thanksgiving. Christmas. New Years. His birthday. My birthday. Father’s Day.

I’ll probably attempt to address this during therapy next time I speak with my therapist. I know that grief is a normal part of life, but I’m just not sure how to process this all. I realized at some point that I’ve only had a few people in my life pass away that I was close enough to mourn. A friend in high school. I didn’t know my grandparents well enough to be sad. And then another friend from LARP.

And even through those people, I was able to separate myself with the thought that “I wasn’t that close to them, only an acquaintance. I was only a passing thought to them.” Having these low thoughts while you’re Manic can be really confusing. It’s strange, I’ve had a lot more Mixed Episodes lately. Completely unproductive when my biggest energy streak occurs.

I did manage to cook a decent spread for the family today. I considered posting pictures of it. Some part of me just can’t. I’m just going to leave some photos of my Dad in this post. Sorry for such a short one today. Heavy boots. I’ll try to do better tomorrow.